My last post, I talked about the "100 Happy Days" challenge and how I was starting it that day. 23 days and going strong on that. As each day has passed, it's made me think about some things.
One of my most confusing thoughts was this: You can find something every day that makes you happy. It could be big, it could be small, it could be an object, a thought, a good deed, something you witnessed, a choice you made... whatever it is, there is something every day that could make you feel happiness. However, if you are only happy for that moment that you experience that "happiness", does that count as a "happy" day? Does your 100 happy days have to encompass the entire 24 hour period? Is it an overall happiness, or a stolen moment here and there?
Having candidacy for my PhD program is a blessing and a curse, somedays. My position within the program is mostly stable, and now I'm working to get out in a desired amount of time. It's wonderful and terrifying at the same time, hoping I meet time constraints, making sure data is accumulated while being efficient... it's really made me question my work like I never have before. Chemistry has been a part of my life since I was 16. I'm 26 now... that's 10 years that I've wanted to be a chemist. Never have I "hated", "despised" or been "uninterested" in my project, in my work before. Was it because of my project and how it was progressing? Or was it something bigger? Am I really meant to be a chemist, or have I been fooling myself for too long, and just figured it out now that I'm closer to accomplishing my most recent goal?
Those thoughts got me into a funk... and so then the question of "am I actually happy today?" came into play, and was it affecting other parts of my life that I was happy with. And it really made me think of this "100 happy days"... was I being hypocritical, saying that I had 23 happy days so far, though most of the time I didn't feel happy except for some moments thru the day?
My conclusion: I think it's impossible to be completely content and happy for a full day, every day. You do what you can to be happy in all aspects of life. You do the best you can. You explore what makes you happy, and if the good outweigh the bad throughout the day, I'd call it a victory. Some days you'll fall off the happy wagon, and you just gotta hang on and pull yourself back on it. But without sadness, we couldn't appreciate happiness.
So, for those doing the "100 Happy Days", I'd say if you can find something that makes you smile, laugh, etc., then that's a happy day. Or that's how I'm looking at it. Ultimately, it's up to you.
P.S. for the record, I've figured out that I was unhappy with the progression of my project. I decided to just push through it, do what I can to work towards the finish, and see what happens. And what do you know, Monday, I finally grew some crystals... something that I've been trying since summer 2012.
Keep your head up. Spring is on its way. :) :) Soak in the Vitamin D, and smile. You're alive another day.
Until next time, loves.
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