2013 coming to a close.

As the new year approaches, three things tend to happen:

1) People like to remember all the things they are thankful for, and look back on the year. Remember the wonderful times and people in their lives, all the difficulties they've had to overcome, wonder how the year is over, etc.

2) New Years Resolutions are being made. Whether it is a fitness goal/routine, trying new hobbies, keeping in touch with friends and family, or whatever other resolution it is, almost everyone I know is all making them. Now, it's not a bad thing by any means. Most people need some kind of event or reason to make a new habit. However, I know I cannot follow them to save my life if I make them a New Years Resolution, so I choose not to make them. If I want to make a decision, I just do it. (Again, that's just me, because I'm sick of failing to keep my New Years resolutions.)

3) Everyone gets football crazy. There's the end of the NFL season, as well as Bowl Week for college football. I personally love it, because there's usually at least one good game a day, and so I'm covered on the entertainment for the day.

2013 was definitely a whirlwind of a year, going even faster than the year before. I celebrated coming into the year with my best friends, passed my 2nd year talk, went through some soul searching after relationship issues, got re-energized by new friends and US Soccer, went home a lot in the spring to keep up with friends and March Madness, watched the Cards win the National Championship, spent two weeks in Italy, spent a wonderful summer all over, got to know a great new class of graduate students, reconnected, passed my candidacy exam, and so much more. This year has been full of ups and downs, but overall, I could not be happier with 2013 as a whole. I've learned a lot, and I know there is lots more to learn with the 2014 year approaching.

I can't wait to spend my last night in 2013 around some of my best friends, dancing, partying, living up my 25 years.

If you plan out New Years resolutions, make them so that you feel happy doing them. And if you stumble, don't feel bad. Just pick yourself up and try it again. That's how life is, just picking yourself back up if you get pushed down.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, and an even better 2013. I wish nothing but happiness for everyone in the next year. :)

Streetcar, anyone?

Save the Streetcar!

In following my overall theme of positive thinking, I'm hoping that you all will help myself and Cincinnatians out with a teeny request. The public transit system here is pretty bad. The Metro bus system is slightly better than the TARC buses back in Louisville, and new routes will be more helpful. However, the city has twice voted for the building of a streetcar system in the Over-The-Rhine district. The new mayor-elect John Cranley wants to halt this project, and pay back the money to the Federal Government in order to "help balance the budget".

For all those who have never stepped foot in Cincinnati, or those who know very little about Cincinnati and some of its culture, there were many opportunities to have a great public transit system installed. A subway system in the early 20th century was in the process of being built. Due to WWI, then additional construction costs, the Great Depression and WWII, the project was discarded. You can still visit these abandoned subway tunnels with tours in OTR and from the Museum Center.

There was a streetcar system previously in Cincinnati in the 1890s, and it was dismantled in the 1950s. With the rise in popularity in the car adding on to this, urban flight increased dramatically. http://www.cincinnati-oh.gov/streetcar/background-benefits/ After 1950, less and less people lived in the actual city of Cincinnati and moved out to the suburbs.

The current public transit system, Metro, only travels to the Government Square area of downtown, and not many stops closer to the Riverfront, or in OTR. Buses are usually very crowded, and downtown itself has an enormous number of surface parking lots to accommodate for cars. This does not bring a lot of business to the downtown areas, and gives little room for prosperity.

The current streetcar system is based off the one currently in Portland, OR. The city spent $57 million on the system, and have made a profit of $1.6 billion. Um, hello? I think that's a pretty good amount of money that can be made and help revive Cincinnati, if this project continues.

The first route goes from the Banks downtown (in between the Reds and Bengals stadium) up to Findlay Market area in OTR. There are plans to also put down tracks up Vine Street to reach University of Cincinnati and the Uptown area (the Zoo, Children's Hospital, etc.). This will bring so much travel to downtown and OTR, and help bring prosperity to the parts of the city that need to keep growing. So many international students that study at UC have no mode of public transit to leave Clifton, and this streetcar could solve that.

The streetcar is necessary for the growth of Cincinnati. If for nothing else, please click on the link at the beginning of my post and sign the petition for me. I may not reap most of the benefits from the streetcar, but think of all those who can. I support light rail, and hope that our country overall will start moving to high speed and light rail over highway travel.

Keep our country progressing forward. Help Cincinnati keep progressing. I have come to love this city in the past 2.5 years of living here, and stopping this streetcar will do more harm than good.

Yeah, after all this time, I'm still into you.

It's hard to believe that in 2003, the band Paramore was getting their start, and the lead singer, Hayley Williams, was the same age as me. BUT I STILL LOVE THEM, and their recent song "Still Into You". Listen to it.

Paramore - Still Into You

I like fun songs. They make me want to dance around the lab, in my room, in my car... wherever.

This song obviously is speaking about how the singer is still into "you", which is most likely another person/significant other. It's cute, and I like the song for that reason. You gotta love cute love songs.

However, I'm also going to put this song with my undying love for chemistry. I know that I always complain about how bad chemistry is, and how much I hate it. But with only 16 days until my candidacy exam, I can be honest with myself: I LOVE CHEMISTRY. and I'm still into it. For reals.

If I didn't still love chemistry, I wouldn't pull late nights and all nighters. I wouldn't be mad when the kids in my recitation just want to get an easy A, and doesn't care about how to arrow push or why a mechanism is the way it is. Why reactions happen theoretically but not entirely the same way in real conditions. I wouldn't be able to freak out and be calm at the same time while preparing for my big exam. It wouldn't matter why a reaction didn't work, even though I followed the protocol.

Chemistry is wonderful, and I want everyone to know it. Especially when it works, but that's beside the point. I want my PhD in chemistry, because I love the subject. Organic, biochemistry, analytical, inorganic, even physical... it's all fascinating how you can explain the world around you. How specific chemical reaction converts oxygen to carbon dioxide; how theory can be calculated and explain experimental results... it's all so fascinating.

So yes, chemistry, I'm still into you, after all this time.

(Come talk to me in 15 days and see if I've changed my tune)

Most of the other 3rd years in my program have been passing their candidacy exams, so let's hope this trend continues for when it comes to my talk. :) :)

Back to my photochemistry experiments!

This one's for all my science boos out there.

One thing that I've learned through my life is that happiness is fleeting. Being in the science world, there are a few rare moments of happiness. You get a great result, you discover something new, some experiment tells you something you weren't expecting but it turns out that it's actually cooler than what you were originally studying... there are so many "moments" of happiness that you can achieve with science. However, those moments are over so quickly, before you are coming up with new experiments, new hypotheses, and the work that comes with all these new things from our "happy moments". Quite frankly, it gets exhausting rather quickly. And you never know when one of those happy moments will strike... whether it's tomorrow or 5 months from now. Frustrating. So. Frustrating.

Even when not doing experiments, writing journal articles to get published or a thesis/dissertation to get your MS/PhD... there is just an overall tone of frustration. Everything has to be PERFECT. You have to finish you research and publish it before competitors do, otherwise all that work is for nothing. Your figures have to grab the attention of the reviewer, of the reader. Making science interesting can be hard. 

We scientists have so much to complain about. We sit in labs all day, running experiments, writing, reading, teaching. Sometimes these labs are really nice, sometimes they feel like dungeons. We complain about a bad day of data collection, about how our students in recitation don't listen to us when we are giving them what they need to know for the quiz they are about to take, about how our chemistry doesn't work... we complain pretty much everything. Misery loves company, and the company our misery keeps is each other.

... However, there is a way to battle this "science syndrome" though. 

1) Go in every day trying to accomplish something. Even if the main thing you accomplish is cleaning your desk and making a workspace again, you did it. Use that as momentum for the next day. If you weren't able to repeat an experiment like you hoped, just get up the next day and try to remember that it is a NEW day. You can do it.

2) Try to think of happiness as a state of mind, instead of trying to find it in people, places or things. I know that I like to buy things to make me happy: shoes, clothing, fro-yo, sushi, etc. But as soon as the newness wears off, or it's gone, the happiness associated with it is gone. You can have memories of places you traveled, and the happiness you had when you were there experiencing the place, but it begins to fade the longer you are away. So why put a tag on happiness? Why not just try to be happy, with whatever you're doing, with whomever you are with, wherever you are. Just enjoy each and every moment you can. People say that only you can make yourself unhappy; it also goes the other way as well, only you can make yourself happy. So make yourself happy.

... that's all I have for now to combat frustrating times... but I'm living life one day at a time, trying to figure it out. That counts for something, right?

To all my friends who are going through qualifiers/defenses coming up: keep your head up, and keep plugging away. We will get stressed. We will get frustrated. We will be exhausted by the end. But we WILL get through this together. Instead of complaining about all the bad things that are upon us, let's build each other up to get ourselves through it. 

This definitely has a theme in mind, but even if you are not a science person, or going through what I am, you can definitely try to apply this to your own lifestyle. It works for most things, just substitute some things here and there. You'll be okay... we'll all be okay. :)

Until later. Qualifying exam looms near... only 1 month and 1 day away. Pray to the chemistry gods for me, everyone. It's gonna be one hell of a month.

Overall, I just want to be successful.

With the weather changing, and the temperature dropping, we come upon the season of Pumpkin Spice Lattes, sweaters, boots, fires, hot chocolate, and blankets. I LOVE FALL. But there is something about fall that makes me want to forget about work, and just porch sit like crazy with a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Which is not beneficial to my production at school and getting ready for my third year talk... which is coming up in a month and a half. Yikes.

However, for our Life After Graduate School course, we took a tour of Givudan Flavors, just about 10 miles down the road from UC. Besides having a wonderful facility, and just being super cool in general, it reminded me that a job like that is the end game that I should be working toward with my work here in graduate school. For now, yes, the dissertation, papers, talks, etc. are all important (especially to continue on to get those things done), but that's not what I'm spending my entire 5 years trying to do. After my degree is done, I most likely won't ever look after this again. Which is slightly depressing, but encouraging at the same time.

But that tour helped to remind me what potential long-term goals I have for myself, and that I need to continue to work hard to get there. Talk about getting the push I needed to get motivated again. I want to get out of here with my PhD. That is the short term goal.

Long term, I want to be successful. In science. In relationships. In life, in general. And I think a lot of that comes with grad school, and making sure that I finish up strong. I want to make my life better, more comfortable. There a lot of things I want to accomplish, and I don't know everything yet I want to accomplish, but I need to get off my butt and get some work done.

Take a few minutes, and write down your goals that you want to accomplish. They could be for tomorrow, next month, next year, or long term goals. Once those goals are down, think about how you can accomplish those goals. Reward yourself once you reach your goals. Don't beat yourself up too much if you don't reach your goals; just make yourself work harder to reach the next one.

What is the main success that you want to accomplish in your lifetime?

Even though it's raining outside, I still feel sunny and happy.

Read:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/16/happiness-habits-of-exuberant-human-beings_n_3909772.html

There are some very good tips in this article. See how many of these habits you do already, and see if you can change some of your old habits to these new ones. You never think about simple things making you happy, but those simple things are what makes life fun, and extraordinary.

The one about "trying to be happy"... I tell this to people all the time. It's amazing how easily you can turn your day around with one simple thing.

I'm about to head back to the scientific depths on my life, so until next time.

How to Continuously Stay Happy... or Something Like It

We're human beings. We are. We feel every range of emotions at any given time. We can be feeling down, and the next second, something happens and we feel happy. We could feel lonely, and then go to feeling content. It makes little sense, but that's life, right?

So how do we stay happy all the time? Continuously? Is that even possible?

The answer: we don't stay happy all the time. We can't stay continuously happy.

There is no possible to always feel good about life, about the people surrounding you, about your job, about your outlook on life, about your appearance. Happiness is a fleeting emotion. No one can keep it for every second. If you think you can, you are kidding yourself.

So that's the bad part, right? No one can continuously stay happy.

The good news: it's not expected for you to stay happy all the time.

The sooner we realize that simple fact, the sooner we can be content and happy for a longer time. We are not perfect. We might think we are expected to be, but we cannot be. Anyone who expects perfection out of themselves or out of other people are looking for answers they won't find.

Stop looking for perfection in every thing, every moment.

Let life happen. Try to live in the moment. Plan ahead, but be ready for roadblocks, detours and itinerary changes. Enjoy the people that come in and out of your life. Remember that life is what you make of it. Sometimes the sadness, loneliness, anger can lead to some of the happiest, most content and exciting moments.

If you can, forgive others, and forgive yourself. We're all human, we all live in the same world. I think it'd be better to enjoy it with others, don't you?

If you need to, be sad. Be lonely. It's okay. But overall, try to be content. Try to be happy. If only for a moment. You use more muscles in your face to frown than to smile. Remember that.

Here's to being happy... tomorrow. :)

let me see beneath your beautiful tonight.

Everyone has something that inspires them to something creative. I know I'm not entirely the most creative person, especially when it comes to writing. But when I'm in a certain mood, and I hear just the right song, it just clicks and inspiration comes. This time, Labrinth's "Beneath Your Beautiful" is my muse for this post.

There are so many times that we, as humans, do not think we are good enough as we are. We must wear pounds of makeup for that perfect complexion. We tan like crazy so we don't look like pale ghosts (for those who do not have the beach in the neighborhood and get that natural sun). We post everything fun we ever do on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, social media etc. (Guilty as charged.), just so we think that other people think that we are cool, fun, whatever adjective you want to throw in there.

We are all so worried about what other people think about us. We want to be accepted by people so badly, we sometimes do things that aren't really "us". We conform to what we think people want from us. We lose our true self in the process. Others thoughts are more important than happiness sometimes.

And we are worried about what we think of ourselves. Are we actually happy with who we are? Is that where the real problem is, and we think instead that we are making this "new identity" of ourselves for others, just to make ourselves feel better?

I know I've had my fair share of times feeling down, not liking who I was (aka emo JenVern... high school, man, it was "rough"). There are days where I question who I am, what I'm doing with my life.

But then I remember that I have purpose, that I am where I want to be. There is always growing to be had, but overall, I'm pretty content with where I am. I know, deep down, who I want to be, and that's all that matters to me. I just need to remember that, and not let the haterzzz get me down. You all need to remember that too.

Are you content with who you are, where you are in life? If not, only you can do something about it. Write down goals for personal life, emotional life, work life, and any other goal you want to achieve to get you to where you want to be... and then start taking those baby steps towards them.

Family, friends, significant others want to see the real you. I think we all see glimpses of our real selves, of other people, who they really are. I think we could all use time to show who we really are, to our loved ones, to ourselves, every once in a while. I think we all know a piece of what is hidden, and it really is a beautiful person.

For 5 minutes a day, just don't worry about what people think of you, of your goals, of your life. And just revel in the fact that you are you. You are wonderful. You are working on your life. You are working on being content. You are working on yourself. And you are worth it.

Anytime you (or myself) may feel down, I hope you find this comforting. And refreshing... and able to get you back on the bumpy road that is life. Life is a beautiful thing, go explore it with those you love.

... and if you haven't listened to that song, DO IT. Lots of piano, wonderful harmonies. Great song.

We could all use a little pick-me-up every once in a while.

I'm currently sitting in my lab, door closed (screw the fire hazard), and semi-blaring music while I'm doing a few hours of work. Maybe because it's Sunday, or it's been a busy last few weeks, or something... but for some reason I'm in the mood for reflection and questioning.

Or maybe it's the fact that I'm post-vacation, and I miss it? Perhaps. Italy Vernia Family Vacay was fantastic, and just what I needed: two weeks away from school, stress, responsibility. I could eat all the pasta I wanted, drink all the wine and cappuccinos my heart desired... and I did. It was beautiful weather in a beautiful place. Got to hike one day in Cinque Terre, and take in the architecture the rest of the vacation. Perfect two weeks away. Wish I could have stayed for longer and explored Florence longer, but such is life. We all have to come back to reality at some point.

But coming back wasn't all that bad either. Research is being semi-nice for once, and it may continue to be nice (but get a lot busier... not necessarily a bad thing). But now that I am off my vacation high, and it's back to the real world, being in lab also makes me introspective.

Call it boredom, call it "being in the dumps", call it sadness... actually, don't call it any of that. I'm not sure exactly what it is, but it's not just one emotion, and it's not really sadness. Things are changing around me, and I don't think I'm on the same pace that change is happening. That's why I think I'm slightly freaking out about it.

I start teaching next week, which gives me a lot more to do. Picking back up CGSA duties, teaching, getting back into full-time researching, trying to workout and stay healthy, have social time... it feels like it's the school year again. Though there aren't as many students, which is always a nice break during the summer. But this summer is going to fly by... which is the the scariest thing to think about.

The fall brings the beginning of the 3rd year of my PhD program, which leads to the candidacy talk... the dreaded 3rd year talk... the make or break talk. While I'm not as stressed as I should be about it, it's hard not to think about the impending doom that comes with it. Every conversation at school mentions research, or how the talk is going to be terrible, etc. etc.

So with that, and a feeling of slight loneliness, it gives me weird feelings. Like I need a pick-me-up or something. I had pizza (nom nom) this weekend, and had a wonderful Friday with friends. But the thing that has always gotten me back into a groove is music. One of my favorite people who can put a smile on my face and joy in my heart is Andrew McMahon. Never heard of him? Don't worry, you have now.

Pianist and lead vocals for Something Corporate and Jack's Mannequin, he is now doing a solo act. So: if you need some music to check out, albums include:
Leaving Through the Window and North - Something Corporate
Everything in Transit, The Glass Passenger, and People and Things (as well as Dear Jack EP) - Jack's Mannequin
The Pop Underground - Andrew McMahon

Just something about the piano gets me in a good mood every time. It brings me back to a simpler time when I use to take piano lessons, and the worst thing that could happen was actually having to practice. But whenever I listen to his music (especially Everything in Transit straight through), it's like I took a Vitamin D pill, and I'm drinking homemade strawberry lemonade, porch sitting on my porch swing and flowers are blooming around me.

I know we all have that one thing that just brightens our day. Mine happens to be Andrew McMahon. What's yours?

I think between my dear friend Andrew, exercising this week, NKOTB/98 Degrees/Boyz II Men, and getting back in my routine, I'll be back into my sunshiney world... while I sit in my darkened wet lab. :)

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend, and are staying cool. It's getting hot out there, and we need to keep hydrated. Have a great summer (to those that get something like it).

Wait, what do you mean I only have 20 followers on Twitter?

To follow up with the last blog post of "15 Things You Should Give Up to Be Happy", there's an article I found (again on facebook, get off it) that I enjoyed going through. It's a little bit shorter, a little bit more sarcastic, but still very very true. 32 Thoughts You Should Stop Caring About

In this "article", they talk about things that we really shouldn't care about (such as #4, what the people you don't like are posting on their Facebook statuses, or #8, the opinions of people who a) will never like you and b) have absolutely no bearing on your life) to things that are a little bit more fun to joke about (#21, how many followers you have on Twitter, or #25, eating salads on dates (can I get a burger wrapped in bacon, please?)), yet we still care about them.

Why is it that we do care about these things? Yes, some are worries that we have because of low self-worth/self-esteem, or trying to figure out what our path in life is really supposed to be (have we found it yet, are we even going in the right direction, wait, how old am I?). We all have worries, but most of them we really shouldn't worry about.

This complied list really brings forward what kind of things we wonder and think about, and ultimately worry about. The funny thing is, most of these things really shouldn't matter. It makes me remember to take a step back, breathe, and really think about what is important in our lives.

Is it what Kim Khardashian and Kanye West are doing every second? (yes, duh.) Is it what people might think of the dress you are wearing when going out to a bar with your friends for a girls night? (obviously, where have you been?) Is it being the only single one in your group of friends? (OH GOD KILL ME BEFORE THAT HAPPENS)

No, it's the things that we perceive to be a huge deal, when in the grand scheme of life, they aren't at all. We forget that these little things (while we need to treasure the good ones) can ultimately cause so much more stress in our life than we need.

There are going to be people that don't like you. You can't change that, as much as you would like to. There are going to be people who are thinner, better dressed, better spoken than you, but that's just how genetics works. You can only do the best with what you are given, and the sooner you learn to love it, the happier you will be.

And this isn't just about immediate happiness, it's more about overall and longlasting contentness. (Is that a word? It is now...) Once we stop caring about the little things that don't really impact our lives at all, we can actually start being happy (and worrying about the things that do impact our lives, like disease, poverty, etc.)

Does this mean that we're not going to worry about these little things? OF COURSE NOT. I know for a fact that I still worry about the little things A LOT. But, if we can just all take a breath once in a while, and forget about it for a bit, I think it could help us all out immensely.

Have a wonderful day, and weekend, people. I'm about to go on vacation for two weeks to gorge myself with fine Italian pasta, cappuccino and wine, so sorry if I go off the grid for a bit. Holla, and maybe just stop sweating the small stuff, yeah? :)

and I hope you find it, you just want to take a faster ride, lower lows, higher highs.

There's an article I found online that I really enjoyed reading: 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy. I know I'm always trying to endorse positive thinking and happiness, and as I was going through this article, a lot of things rang true.

Things that I have done to try to be happy since I've gained this attitude after travelling to New Zealand:

1. Give up your need to always be right. It's hard, because I like to think I'm right a lot, especially when I know a lot about certain subjects. However, I've found that there are other people like that as well. And while it's nice to be right, that good feeling goes away in about 0.4 seconds. So what's the point of always needing to be right? Just go with it.

8. Give up your need to impress others. Yes, there will be instances where you need to try to impress other people (for example, a job interview). However, and this is obviously still a work in progress, I've definitely tried to be comfortable in my own skin, and just be myself. If people aren't impressed with that, then obviously they didn't need to be in my life. The friends and family I have are so great and have always been so encouraging in whatever I've wanted to do... those are the only people I need in my life.

Things that I need to do/continue to do better to do these to be happy:

2. Give up your need for control. This is always so hard for me to do. I am definitely my mother's daughter, and her nickname is Captain-Commander. Not by coincidence, but because she wants to have control over every aspect in her life. I am very similar, but since getting to grad school, I'm slowly loosing the reins on that. Things are going to work, or they are not, and most of the time you can't control that. The only thing you get from trying to be in control is stress. Everything happens for a reason, but it's less stressful to let them happen, and then deal with what comes next.

6. Give up complaining. Too many times, I complain about the littlest of things. I guess we're all wishing for something better, that something better is out there, and want that. So we complain about the things we have now, even when they're great. I know I have to go back, reflect, regroup and remember to enjoy what I have in my life, since it definitely could be worse.

---------

Ultimately, you are in charge of your own destiny and happiness. The guide above definitely can help you if you're in a rut in how to be happy. Happiness happens from moment to moment, and sometimes you have to work at it. But it's just part of an amazing journey that is called your life.

Are there things that you need to work on from this list? Goodness knows I have a lot to still work on, but it can happen over time. It doesn't have to all fall into place right now.

Go enjoy this beautiful spring weather, people. Go to a baseball game, for a walk in the park, read a book on the porch with a good cup of coffee. Do what you enjoy with people you enjoy. That's a pretty easy way to be happy, I think.

Stay positive, and until next time.

A little bit of everything, I guess.

So much has happened the past few weeks, yet I never take time to put what I've felt from it into words. Tonight, with the thunder and lightning, and Justin Timberlake's Mirrors (It's better if you listen along too) playing in the background, I thought it'd the perfect way to clear my mind before bed. Yoga helps, but that was a few hours ago, and I'll take nature's open opportunity.

First off, I know that this may not be a big deal for some people, but the Louisville Cardinals won the 2013 National Championship. Honestly, words cannot express the joy I felt from that. This team this year had so many storylines, from Gorgui, Peyton, Russ, Kevin, Chane, Luke... there has never been a team that I've watched that I wanted them to win so badly. (Granted I felt terrible for Preston Knowles when he went out injured in 2011, but that's a different story) So having this team finish it out, especially after Kevin's injury, was so fantastic. I got to celebrate with my friends in Louisville, and with Cardinal fans all over the city. We've been waiting since 1986 to celebrate, and we were finally able to. Louisville First, Cardinals Forever.

Now: I know most everyone has heard of the explosions in Boston during the marathon. I was so appalled at the fact that it happened, and then I remembered that there were people there that I cared about, as one of my best friend's family lives up there. Luckily for her and us, everyone is okay. Her father is a firefighter, and was probably extremely busy. But it is people like him, like the policemen, and volunteers that stepped up and help control the situation, those are people that we sometimes forget to appreciate. I'm happy we have them, and I'm very happy that the people I know are also safe. Definitely thoughts are in Boston.

One thing I found online just about 20 minutes ago is this Dove YouTube video: Dove Beauty Sketches If you haven't seen it, I suggest you definitely do. We also forget our beauty, and tend to focus on negative aspects (like how I keep finding white hairs here and there lol). I don't want to spoil the video, but I definitely cried watching it. Just seeing how surprised people were... Just try to remember that you are a beautiful people, and you may just forget what other people see as your beauty. Make sure to revisit it, to help you be content.

I'm sorry this post has been a bit disjointed, but I feel like I've had a lot on my mind. Emotions are swirling, and I've probably cried more in the past 2 weeks than I have in the past 2 months. Not from sadness, but just letting all emotions come out and not holding them in. It's been refreshing, to say the least.

I usually also hate rain, thunderstorms, bad weather... but there's something refreshing that comes with a good rainstorm. It's a fresh start... we could all use that from time to time.

I'll stop rambling. But maybe I can sleep a bit better tonight. Just remember, tomorrow is a new day, so go make it great.

I want to dance like the characters on Charlie Brown when I hear...

... the song "Kiss You" by One Direction! Yes, I know. Getting back into my boy band days, even though they are this generation's N*SYNC, Backstreet Boys, KNOTB, 98 Degrees, DreamStreet, etc. (So we maybe had too many boy bands when I was growing up! ... NAH) I guess I'm just gearing up for NKOTB, 98 Degrees and Boyz II Men concert this summer! Time to bring out the scrunchies, roll-on glitter, and old school band t-shirts! But if you haven't listened to this song yet, do so. You'll know what I'm talking about in the title.

One Direction - Kiss You

Anyway, I promise I won't mention too much about March Madness, since a lot of people's teams aren't in the tournament, and I refuse to jinx the CARDS. But I'm loving all the basketball games on! It's been a little rough on getting back into the habit of working, but seeing as it's the end of spring break, I can work tomorrow!

I don't really have that much to say, I guess. It's been hard to be motivated to do much work the past couple of weeks, being sick and then having spring break. But I've been doing alright with it, and I'm ready to get back to the grind! I'm going to make myself start running again a few days a week, since I miss it so much, and maybe the endorphins will help me get over this yucky weather we've been having. I'm so ready for spring!

Just remember that you are your biggest supporter and your biggest critic. You are the one that can make yourself happy or unhappy. We all need time to feel other emotions besides happiness, we can't be happy all the time. Maybe I like being content better than being happy. Almost the same thing right? But I'm okay with just being okay in the moment. I like the moment more and more I'm in it.

Also: I've decided that slowly but surely I want to be more spontaneous. I've been a super planner since my high school days, and while I will always be a planner, I want to be a bit more spontaneous from time to time. Any suggestions from you all? Obviously I'm not great at it. Lol.

Here's for warmer weather hopefully coming our way soon, and don't forget to smile! It takes more muscles in your face to frown than it does to smile! :)

Waiting for the rain to stop. Destination: Beautiful. Seems that I'm still waiting for the Sun.

This past weekend, I made the trek down to Nashville, TN to see one of my favorite bands play. (And I got the opportunity to see some grade school and high school friends, so even better!) Mae was having a reunion show after doing two in Virginia Beach, and they were celebrating the 10 year anniversary of their first album, Destination: Beautiful. Hearing it live straight through was so amazing. They also played a few more songs for an encore. The last time I had seen them, they were on their Goodbye: Goodnight tour, promoting their last album (e)vening. So when I heard about this recent show, there was no way I was going to miss it. It didn't disappoint. There's something about being in the moment, hearing songs live that you lived your life through. Something just so special about being with other people that have done the same, whether you know them or not. Nothing that makes us differnt matters. Everyone is there for the same reason: to remember the emotions you feel when you hear these songs, to enjoy the music, to enjoy the moment.

Mae always was a band to listen to whenever I wanted to relax. I do yoga to it, I listen to it before bed, when I wake up and walk to school: it's some of the most soothing and relaxing music I have.

One thing I've learned from their music: live in the moment. For me, that's one of the hardest things to do. I know I'm always looking forward to the next thing, the next big event, the next reaction I have to run, the next weekend plans, the next person I meet. It's hard not to look at the future for me, since I've grown so accustomed to planning everything out in advance. I've recently adapted to only planning what I need to plan, and not much more. Call it sponataneity; I'll consider it causing less stress for myself.

I'm trying to appreciate the here and now more. I may not be living every day to the fullest, but I'm trying to be happy with what I have done, what I have accomplished with each day. Whether it's being in lab a full day, or going to see my favorite band; whether it's taking a walk in the park, or going out with friends: it's about just enjoying the moment. Each one is different, and unique, and too often we're always looking for the most exciting, the most enjoyable. What's to say that this moment right now isn't enjoyable? And if it's not, how can you change that?

Too often, I'm waiting for the next big thing to come up. Why not just make the next big thing right now?

Only thing that stops you from that is yourself. We can be our own worst enemy when it comes to our self-happiness.

What can you do to live and enjoy each moment? What helps you to enjoy your life? What's something that you've done for yourself lately?

Remember that while you're waiting for the sun to enjoy the rain. It's beautiful wherever your destination.

Do what makes you happy. Remember what makes you happy.

First things first: Beyonce for president. Seriously. She is an amazing human being, and anyone who can't see it... better get your vision checked out. Been on a Beyonce kick since the Super Bowl halftime show. AWESOME.

Now. Moving on.

A friend had this quote on her facebook today:

"Happiness is not a destination. It is a mood, it is not permanent. It comes and goes and if people thought that way, maybe more people would find happiness more often."

Like so many others, I'm always looking for happiness. Overall, I think I'm happy, there are days where I'm not. But I do agree with this quote, where there isn't a spot called "happiness", and once I get through certain events, then I will reach happiness. You decide whether or not you're happy. People, food, groups, events, these things can help make you happy. But ultimately, you are the only person that controls your happiness. The second you let someone else be in charge of your happiness, you're not happy.

That's something I've been trying to achieve recently, as I had so much stress from my 2nd year talk, chemistry in general, and relationships with people changing. I wasn't depressed or anything, but I didn't feel happy. I felt indifferent.

So, I decided to get back to things that make me happy. One of the those things is soccer. Whether it's playing or watching (more watching now than playing), soccer has always made me happy. Recently, the US men's national team has played in an international friendly against Canada, and a World Cup Qualifier against Honduras. Even though the results of these games were not what I wanted, watching the games with a group of soccer fans just as crazy as I am was so great. I'm talking about the American Outlaws, the USMNT supporters. There are chapters in many cities across the US, and they definitely have love for America and the Yanks. Check them out if you love soccer, and want somewhere to watch games with crazies: http://www.theamericanoutlaws.com/ The guys (and few gals) that meet down at Molly Malone's in Covington, KY are so awesome, so come join us sometime!

Another thing that has made me happy is yoga. Leslie, the yoga instructor on Tuesdays at the Rec Center here at UC, must be a hypnotist or something, because she's INSANE at what she does. And I mean insane in the best way possible. I never thought it would be possible to turn off my brain for 45 minutes, and then be somewhat peaceful for the rest of the night. But, oh, it is possible, and it's more than wonderful. I also go on Wednesdays, and sometimes on Friday (but it's late sometimes). If you have never tried yoga before, and just want something calming yet good for your body, I highly recommend it. It doesn't matter if you're the most flexible person or not, but it's been such a good addition this semester.

I'm also just taking time for myself, and not worrying about trying to make things happen as much. I'm trying to hang out with friends, both old and new. But I'm definitely recharging myself for what is coming in the future. Life isn't always easy, but there's no reason it can't be fun and you can't be happy overall.

What are things that make you happy? If you're feeling down, think about the things that usually make you happy. Have you been partaking in those events, things, people, etc? If not, revisit those, and then look at how you feel after.

Just because today might be a bad day today, that doesn't mean that tomorrow won't be a wonderful day. Keep your head up loves, and just breathe and take life one day at a time.

Until next time. I'm going back to my Beyonce girl crush, and enjoying my Friday. :)

Do you remember the first time you listened to a song? The emotions that came with it?

I love getting new music to listen to. I listen to the radio for new hits, and find some old favorites. Some from when I was growing up and listening to 90s music, some from my parent's generation. Music always brings out so many emotions for me.

When I'm in a happy mood, or I want to dance and move and workout, I usually listen to recent songs from college time-now. Rap, hip-hop, pop, rock... you name it, I listen to it. When I'm a bit down, I like to listen to soothing music, sometimes classical; anything with a piano and stringed instruments, I'm game for. When I do yoga, I again put some soothing music on, but a little more upbeat, with some good drums in it.

When I just need to think, and I need some music to just have in the background, there are a few artists and albums that are my go-to music choice. Any album by Mae (though I usually skip Singularity), Everything in Transit by Jack's Mannequin, Leaving Through the Window and North by Something Corporate, Never Take Friendship Personal by Anberlin, Chroma by Cartel, Dog Problems and Interventions and Lullabies by The Format, and Science and Faith by The Script, to name a few (okay, a lot). Most of these (minus The Script, and the (M)orning, (A)fternoon and (E)vening albums from Mae) are from around 2006 (either before or just after)... which means most of these came out when I was in high school or just starting college. Crazy to think about, right?

But I can listen to these albums over and over again. I remember what I first felt when listening to these songs. I remember going to concerts and hearing them live, and remember loving every song, every note, all the people around me, singing the same words that were coming out of my mouth. Listening to them over and over, remembering the happiness, sometimes the sadness that accompanied a listen... you think back about what was going on then. What your biggest fears were, who your best friends were, what you were doing at that point in your life.

It's funny how these songs, that had special meaning to you in the past, these songs can have a special meaning to you now. Maybe it's just the same feeling reiterated, maybe it's a new feeling. Who you are, what you're doing, etc... all that can change in a second. But these songs don't change; they stay the same. They represent a moment in time that you can control.

That's one of the hardest things to comprehend: not being able to control things. It scares me, I know that. I thrive in trying to be in control. But most things I cannot control: I can't control what I'm working on, whether it's supposed to work like a protocol says or how it's supposed to work theoretically. I can't control my relationships with people; things will happen, and I just have to learn to adapt and change around them. I can't control the weather, as much as I would like to (sunny, 80 degrees all day, everyday). Sometimes, I can't control my emotions. There are so many things I know I cannot be in control of.

But I can be in control what I felt when I first listened to a song. And just that little bit of control is all that we should need. (Or that's what I tell myself. lol)

Think of a song, an album, an artist that you can listen to over and over again. Think of how you felt when you first heard it. What emotions come to mind? What events were going on?

For me, music helps reflect my mood, it helps me think. Is there something that does that for you? Whatever it is, don't lose it; perhaps it can keep you somewhat sane in an otherwise crazy world.

Go put on your favorite song or album, and just let yourself go in the music. I think you'll be glad you did. Be in control for a moment in time. Or a few, if it's on repeat. Lose yourself, and then bring yourself back, hopefully re-energized and ready to take what life throws at you.

I'm going back to listening to my music. Until next time. Remember to try to stay positive, life is a much more beautiful place that way.